tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37177090308608093102024-03-19T00:54:41.070-07:00RamblingsMy lifeBarbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-90421069948736014532020-04-30T09:24:00.002-07:002020-04-30T09:24:53.445-07:00<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>Here is a post of my bottle cap pin cushions. A project that my sister Ida invited us to do. It was lots of fun. </b></span>Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-15930383580102380172020-04-18T20:13:00.002-07:002022-05-29T21:16:30.649-07:00April 18, 2020 Pandemic/CoronavirusWow, well another year has passed and here we are. So much not going on in our world today. We are making history!<br />
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Currently, the world is going thru a pandemic ~ hearing those words is just strange. The USA is suffering thru something called the Coronavirus COVID-19. Fortunately, Lincoln County only has 1 case, the rest of New Mexico totally has 1,798 positive results of COVID-19, 53 dead, 92 hospitalized, and 465 recovered. It’s crazy!<br />
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My salon has been closed for a month. In the beginning of this closure I was ok. I kept thinking, “ok, I will just pretend I’m practicing for the day I get to retire”. Then the days of uncertainty dragged on. I had moved back in with Mama (she’s 98 now), and decided to just ride this thing out.<br />
Well, one month later things haven’t changed much. The governor of NM has put us on this quarantine until April 30. But, I’m not sure that date will actually be the day we get to go back to our usual life. Doesn’t seem possible.<br />
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So, one of the things I’ve done in these days of confinement is talk a lot with a Daddy. Yup, that sounds crazy since he’s been gone nearly 6 years. But, because I’ve had to find things to do it’s taken me outdoors. That’s the place Dad loved best and that where a I feel closest to him. I’ve made a walkway, I’ve raked millions of pine needles, I’ve dug, raked, shoveled, cleaned and planted and just been outside. That was just the first week. This past week I cleaned Dads shop so I could work in there. I’ve tried to make it a place I can do my crafts, painting, etc. I smell paint, and stain, and sawdust. And, I feel Dad all around me. <br />
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When I’m in the yard those two white butterflies are still buzzing around me (I call them Dad and Shayne), the irises are about the bloom, the cherry trees are blooming and how can I not feel that wonderful man and Shayne hanging out with me all the time?<br />
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I’ve learned so much with this social distancing (that’s what the world is calling it). I’ve seen my children be there for me, just like I knew they would. It’s so cool. It warms my heart! They check on me all the time. And, I check on them. We talk on the phone constantly! <br />
God certainly blessed me with the best. And of course Eli~ that’s the coolest kid ever, he’s almost 10.<br />
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Now, speaking of grandsons. Shayne would be graduating from college next month. Yes, life just keeps passing us by and there is hardly a day go by without thoughts of my precious boy. Even though in my head he’s just 17, on his birthday in June this year he would be 23. Wow, still have a hard time with this and God knows this about me. <br />
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It’s late, and I’ll write more later, just wanted to document a few things.<br />
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To Luke, Robert, Jessica, Erin, Eli ~ someday if you read this I just want you to know that no one in this world loves you more than I do. Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-89590216548273509022019-01-17T18:18:00.001-08:002019-01-17T18:18:47.842-08:00January 16, 2019 Wow, I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve been here. So much has happened. Life has gone on. My little Eli is 8 years old. What a precious boy. So smart and happy and a good kid.<br />
We survived another holiday season. I’m still not sure why holidays are so difficult for us all. I guess just so many people and so much going one between 3 houses. Wanting to stop and visit with everyone and just not having time to concentrate on any one person. It’s basically chaos, but still lots of love between us all.<br />
It’s been 4 years since we lost Daddy & Shayne. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe it’s been that long, but in another aspect I feel like it’s been forever. I miss them both so much. I go back and watch the videos of Shayne, so I can hear his voice. I look at young men who are the age he would be now (21) and try to picture how he would look. And I continue to ask God to give me clarity about why this happened. And I still cry. I think our tears are cleansing. <br />
I go to the backyard and talk to Daddy. I just feel like out there I get really clear about the answers to my questions.<br />
I love hanging out with Albert, he makes me feel close to Daddy somehow. And my sisters, well I’m just happy we all have each other, although I question myself sometimes about what will happen when we are all older. It’s going to be so weird.<br />
And my kids ~~~ never knew a person could feel so proud and so grateful. I thank God everyday for my family. And we all still have Mama. She’s 97 and is still doing so well. These things make me happy. <br />
I heard from all my kids today, including Tasha. That’s awesome! <br />
Rambling..... yup just me again. Rambling about everything! Until later 😊😊😊😊Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-38763229908889894222019-01-16T20:06:00.000-08:002019-01-16T20:06:51.745-08:00<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Well once again, it looks like it's been 4 months since I've written, which to some might seem like not that much time at all. The thing is, so much can happen in such a short time. Last time I was here it was my birthday. Since then there have been many birthdays. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> My brother Albert had a birthday, then Mama and Daddy celebrated their 68th Anniversary. My son Luke, little sister Lynette, Josh, Patrick, Mama & Daddy, Bret, Ida all had birthdays. Then on August 11th something happened that changed everything. </span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> I always thought I understood death, I was sure I knew everything there was to know about life and death and what I found out is that I didn't know much at all about it.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> On August 11, 2014 we lost our dear Daddy. I seriously don't think my heart will ever be the same. Dad had just turned 92 and he and Mama had just had their 68th Anniversary. Mama said she knew Dad even before that, so I know that the ache I feel is probably nothing close to the ache in our Mother's heart. She tells me how lost she feels and how much she also misunderstood death.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> Reading as much as I have about grief, I'm supposing we are all still in disbelief which I guess is "denial", which doesn't make sense really. Because I'm not denying it happened, I just can't believe that one minute you can be talking to a person and just an hour or so later, you will never talk to that person again, you won't see them, feel them, talk or hear them again. </span>Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-86145025311565792462017-04-02T08:02:00.001-07:002017-04-02T10:55:17.523-07:00A New Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I woke up this morning thinking about death again! It is because ever since Daddy and Eva and Shayne died, it seems like all I've done for the past 3 years is go to funerals. It makes me wonder if it's just because I viewed death differently before these losses.<br />
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Anyway, as I was thinking this morning, I contemplated my own death. For the first time in my life I realized how unafraid I am of dying. I look at all the things around me, the material things and I realize that they really aren't so important. They are just things. What is important is the lives of the people I love and care for. Not a huge revelation, except for the part about not being afraid.<br />
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I have a lot of loose ends I would have to tie up and I would ask that God would hold off a bit until I do those things. You know, like clean my storage in my basement, so that my kids won't have to deal with it.<br />
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But the more important things, I would like to fully express to the people in my life how truly important they are, not just to me, but to God. We have such a wonderful Father who loves us so much. Even though so many people have so may questions as to His motives, I have finally come full circle and I understand that we just live in a messed up world. God gave us so much and what we choose to do with it, is just that ~~ our choice, <br />
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Sure, I still have questions about things like the death of someone so young, like Shayne. But I just have to believe deep down in my heart that God knew what was best. Because we pray for our kids to have a great life, maybe God knew something we didn't know, something terrible in Shayne's future that He saved him from. If Shayne was headed down a long and hard road, maybe going to be with God was just a better decision.<br />
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The hard part about that is who Shayne left behind. His family who loved him so very much. It's a hard reality that we are all going to die eventually. I read something recently that said, "Everyone knows they are going to die ~ they just don't want to believe it". Hmmm<br />
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This is why I call this page Ramblings ~ because I ramble.<br />
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I recently had a conversation with a young lady and it was a meeting we set up for a class I believe she is taking in college for her degree in Psychology or something of that nature. Anyway, I was to close my eyes and she would ask me questions. So as always, I was a very willing participant. To my surprise I was able to remember way more that I expected. She asked me questions about when I was 5 years old. I will be 61 in less than a month and I was shocked at the memories she was able to get from me. because I didn't think I remembered anything that far back. The session lasted approximately an hour and a 10 minutes.<br />
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Well, to my total surprise, this young lady unearthed so many things that I didn't really know about myself. It was as if all the reasons for my codependency, low self`esteem, and all my other things that make me be me were just "right there" in front of my own self to see. WOW<br />
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The next huge surprise was that for the past few days since then, it's as if every ounce of anxiety and restlessness I've every had, has suddenly vanished. I'm amazed at how I feel. <br />
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I've been praying for a long time for God to help me get rid of the anxiety, so that I don't have to take drugs like Xanax for it. It feels wonderful to wake up in the morning and feel so stress free.<br />
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Even though I know there are things that aren't completely decided in my life and my children's lives, it's ok. I don't have to fret anymore. Everything will be ok. That revelation didn't come from the session itself, it came from me not stressing about everybody's lives. Which is something I've done FOREVER!<br />
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Yes, I'm rambling.<br />
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I love to go back later and read this stuff ~ I think it's important<br />
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So, in closing today, first I thank my precious Father in Heaven, my Lord & Savior, my All, then I thank Him for giving me the family He gave me. My Daddy is my Hero, Mama is my lifeline, my brother & sisters my forever friends, and my children, they are who God gave me all the years of my life I spent praying for God to send me someone to love and who would love me unconditionally, and my sweet precious grandsons, my angel in Heaven and my little angel on earth. And even though my life with my last boyfriend hasn't worked out so far, I thank God for him, he will always be so special to me, he has loved me and I know he will always love me. You all know who you are!<br />
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-63978034113905052132016-12-18T07:02:00.001-08:002016-12-18T07:21:57.706-08:00Anniversaries ~ Grief ~ Love<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Daddy died two years ago on August 11, and on December 22 it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my precious grandson. There hasn't been one day go by without thoughts of my Dad & Shayne. I've changed considerably in those two years.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">I guess we all grow up learning that life is what changes us, but it doesn't have the same impact that death does.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">I've been learning about grief and what a terrible thing that it is to have following you around. I've been trying to teach myself that grief is in the same category as unforgiveness. They only bring harm to us. But, we grow and we change in both. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">I've had to really grow up in these 60 years of mine. I've learned a lot of hard lessons about myself. but also about the people around me. I've had to learn that expectations are so damaging. When you start expecting and then get disappointed, it just makes trouble.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">But we all expect things, it's human nature. We want, we wish for, we think we deserve. But what we need to know is that there is only one thing that is truly always ours. And that is the Love of God. He loves us no matter what we say or do. And that is one really awesome thing.</span><br />
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-58302161305143626272016-05-28T21:49:00.000-07:002016-05-28T21:49:12.554-07:00Timber Creek High School GraduationToday from 4 pm to 6 pm was the graduation at Timber Creek High School in Keller, Texas. Tonight, if Shayne was still with us, we would have all been at his graduation. It's so difficult to even try to explain how that feels.<br />
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There are going to be so many "things & times" that I will feel this way. So many things we will miss. Shaynes graduation is just one of many things that we will never get to share. He might have gone to college, fallen in love, gotten married, had children. But, none of these things are ever going to happen. For the rest of our lives, Shayne will always be 17.<br />
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I have wanted to do something ever since Shayne died. Something to tell the world to help people who are depressed. Something to teach us to see things better. To not miss the signs. I wish so badly that Shayne would have told us that he was hurting. Oh, if I could only turn the clock back and save my precious grandson.<br />
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So, today, instead of going to graduation, I will instead ask God to continue to comfort my wonderful son Luke. Comfort him each and every day of his life. A life he will spend without his son. Comfort us in our lives as we continue to grieve for our precious boy. Gone too soon. Shayne, if you can hear me now or ever, please just know that I love you. I've always loved you & I will see you again one day. <br />
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Grandma<br />
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-11484697859487328962016-04-02T20:01:00.000-07:002016-04-02T20:01:39.460-07:00Time Marches OnAnother year has passed and I haven't written. My mind is in so many places. It's crazy how I feel when I come here to write, because it's almost as if I have someone to vent to, and venting is a good thing.<br />
<br />
I've come so far with God too in the last year. It's horrible how bad things happening are what draw you closer to God. It's made me afraid to not be close to God, because I don't want any other bad thing to happen.<br />
<br />
Two of my friends have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, makes me feel like I shouldn't be complaining about anything. At least I'm healthy and so is all my family.<br />
<br />
I pray every day & night for my family, which is my mom, brother, sisters, kids, grandkids and all my extended family. And of course I pray for Bret and his family. I pray for the ones that need health prayers, finding job prayers, getting thru school prayers, grief prayers. just all the struggles of this life we live. I know God hears me, I just know it.<br />
<br />
Which makes me wonder, what do the other people believe in, that don't believe in God. They must struggle a lot!<br />
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It's been a year and a half since Daddy died, it's been a year and a couple of months since Shayne died. From about September last year until about a month ago, I was going thru so sort of change. I was feeling so much grief. It was consuming my life. I was still functioning, but I was overwhelmed with sadness. Ever since Dad & Shayne died, it seems like death has just been happening over & over. I've gone to more funerals than I can even count. I know that death will come to us all, but it's just so hard to understand this vicious cycle.<br />
<br />
Now on to another subject, because I don't want to get sad again.<br />
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I took over the lease on a building in town that was a beauty salon called The Tangled Mane, I bought all the equipment in the building and now I have the Crystal Pistol back in business, as my own salon.<br />
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This was all brought to be courtesy of God. I prayed and asked God to help me out, if it was in his plan and it finally came. It took awhile, but it did happen. This was in October last year. In January I hired a Nail Tech and in February I hired a hairdresser. They also came to me from God, because I prayed that He send me what I need. I never went looking for them. Pretty cool ~ huh? Another thing I asked God about, was appointments. Boy, did He ever come through. I'm twice as busy as I ever was when I was renting a booth at the last place I was at. Yipee!<br />
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Mom is doing well. She will always be sad that Daddy is gone, but doing so much better than a year ago. I enjoy living with her, we like the same things. We are sort of like a married couple. I go to work all day, then I come home in the evening and make dinner, we watch Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, The Voice, Everybody Loves Raymond, and then about 9:00 we go to bed. <br />
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Speaking of bed: I've been sitting here on the computer & now writing this, and it's time for some sleep. <br />
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-17381432971204243012016-04-02T19:58:00.000-07:002016-04-02T19:58:42.158-07:00Mondays You hear those old sayings: "Having a case of the Mondays?", "I hate Monday's", "If Monday had a face, I would punch it". Everyone always trashing Monday's.<br />
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When I think of Monday now, I feel sad and I will probably feel sad about that day for the rest of my life. I lost two very important people on a Monday. And my heart just grieves. <br />
<br />
My Daddy and my grandson both died on a Monday, both in 2014.<br />
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-60681017979023857262015-04-28T08:01:00.001-07:002019-01-17T18:19:05.913-08:00Thanks Mom & Dad from your Birthday Girl<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">It is almost
my 59th birthday. I was born in Carrizozo,
NM, delivered by Dr. Spencer, on April 30, 1956. My parents lived in Hondo at the time, and
that’s just what you did, you drove to the clinic in Carrizozo. I don’t remember much of my early years, but
know that we lived in Hondo, Carrizozo, Alamogordo, and Ruidoso.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">My earliest
childhood memories are when we lived at Shier’s Trailer Park in Hollywood, NM,
which is between Ruidoso & Ruidoso Downs.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">When I was
about 6 or 7 we moved into a home that was next-door to where my Daddy worked
at C & L Lumber. We lived there
until I was a sophomore in high school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">In 1972 we
moved to where I currently live on Colorado Lane in Ruidoso Downs, NM. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I have three
sisters and one brother. Irene, Ida,
Albert & Lynette. They are
amazing. We learned about love &
family from two of the best teachers. We
learned about God and how to pray.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I have tried
to pass all the things they taught me to my own children. Luke, Robert, Jessica & Erin. I cxhave been blessed also with two grandsons,
one who currentlym resides as one of God’s angels in heaven. The other is certainly an angel to me too. Shayne & Eli are awesome. </span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Those of us who have been
raised in a home with loving parents are blessed people indeed. I was one of
those. Mom and Dad were hard-working young adults when I was born. Dad was in
law enforcement and Mom worked taking care of us and the home. They worked consistently and planned
diligently. Their wisdom and work ethic lead to a solid financial base for our
family. In the middle of all that they made time to be involved in my life. Everything
that I am I have learned from them. On this birthday I say,” Praise the Lord”
for Albert & Emma Richardson.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjTFiAfUEtcYj2wbzJWbBvAU79-HZ_im_pHIroNiwwMSemuE7da3a5NG9ubKMQCDhhyFVthc2ZrxcIMBEUknpi1MZQaJH6WYTJ4Gl-lL6iXvd0JX7NnJWnXWMaFI5BXrQTFgm7ZV7wo7e/s1600/me+59.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white; color: red;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjTFiAfUEtcYj2wbzJWbBvAU79-HZ_im_pHIroNiwwMSemuE7da3a5NG9ubKMQCDhhyFVthc2ZrxcIMBEUknpi1MZQaJH6WYTJ4Gl-lL6iXvd0JX7NnJWnXWMaFI5BXrQTFgm7ZV7wo7e/s1600/me+59.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-13242325328489043602015-03-26T20:42:00.001-07:002015-03-26T20:42:19.846-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Death changes everything!
Time changes nothing…. I still miss the sound of your voice, the wisdom
in your advice, the stories of your life and just being in your presence. So No, time changes nothing, I miss you as
much today as I did the day you died. I
just m</span><span style="font-size: x-large;">iss you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-13487946817723639142015-02-10T07:28:00.001-08:002015-02-10T07:28:13.247-08:00<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #444444; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6000003814697px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
From one of my readings this morning:</div>
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I have seen your heart, your heaviness, your tears and I have said it is enough. I am removing many obstacles from your pathway at this time, setting your feet on solid ground. There is not an issue of lack. You have lifted your hearts to Me and said, “I know My God will make a way”. My child, I made the way even before you asked. Rejoice! I have opened and am opening doors that no one can take credit for. I am bringing back to your heart a stability in Me. The time of testing has been hard and the enemy meant it for your harm. But I have been here all the time. For this is a pathway chosen especially for you. This is the season of releasing that knowledge. Look to the midnight hour for a release of Heavenly wisdom, even a downpour from Heaven to be released. This is to bring freshness to you and the enemy will be put to flight.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #444444; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25.6000003814697px; margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<a href="http://spiritfuel.me/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/rejoice.jpg" style="border: 0px; color: #0d3a80; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="rejoice" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-15429" height="143" src="http://spiritfuel.me/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/rejoice-300x143.jpg" style="border: 0px; height: auto; margin: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="300" /></a> Sorrow will no more be your portion. The time of birthing has ended and this is the season to rejoice over the newness of life. Watch and see for what I will do and where I will take you in this next season. It will amaze you and you will once again stand in awe at the greatness of My plans. Rejoice, My children, for My Glory is about to be revealed in you! Amen and Amen!</div>
Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-7570061978948441662015-01-15T18:05:00.001-08:002022-05-29T21:12:02.722-07:00<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; caret-color: rgb(117, 117, 117); color: #757575; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><strike>You never know where life is going to take you. The last time I was here</strike></i><i><span style="color: red;"> just a few days after my 58th birthday. Life seemed "normal" then.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> Although my boyfriend and my sister-in-law had just lost someone so important in their lives, I believed that I could help them both through their grief. Little did I know, that I was only preparing myself for some of the hardest things I was about to encounter. All the great advice I gave them, all the positive things I knew to say, all of those things escape me now.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> On August 11, 2014 the first man that I ever loved passed away. My Daddy. Life has been so difficult with him gone and I had so many questions for God. All the whys just didn't seem to get answered.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> Then 3 days before Christmas, on December 22, 2014, the most horrible tragedy happened. My son called me to tell me he had found his son, my 17 year old grandson dead. </i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> The grief I have felt since that day, is indescribable. On top of grieving for Smokey (Bret's Dad) and Eve (Kathy's Mom), now I had Daddy and Shayne to add to what my heart was already feeling.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> We all hear that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, well, my take on that is that God didn't give me all this. I know that God is Good all the time, and I rest in the fact that God is with all 4 of these very special people.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> I never thought about death like I do now. When it was other people's death, it made sense.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: large;"><i><span style="color: red;"> I don't know what else to say, except that I will forever believe in God and I know that he is looking after us through all of this.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> I just need to find a place to start again. I have a beautiful family. I have 4 wonderful children, 1 living grandson, and 1 who is living with God now. I have many other family members, I love them all so much. I pray for them all the time. I have to trust they are in good hands with God looking after them. And I have to believe that God is going to show me how to get through my sadness, and keep on living. </i></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><i> I know Daddy & Shayne would both want that from me. I miss them terribly and I have so many questions. But, I will be patient with God, because I know He has been so patient with me.</i></span><br />
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-90481729632695163202014-05-04T06:38:00.001-07:002014-05-04T06:38:29.477-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't believe it's been a month since I've been here. I guess my mind has just been on other things. I also can't believe how far off "target" I seem to get. I had all these plans to work on the book and I haven't done much at all. I did write for a couple of days, but then I just get busy with life.</div>
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So, I just turned 58 and I feel great. Business is still slow, but I know it will pick up now that summer is almost here.</div>
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Josh is living with me now. My nephew, Ida's son. He is working for Bret and it's nice to have someone else in the house. </div>
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Love, love, love to all and maybe I'll be back soon!</div>
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-41368379621982667702014-03-30T18:00:00.001-07:002014-03-30T18:06:44.810-07:00Working outsideToday we worked on the steps (Bret and I and Daddy was supervising) ~ Last year the Natural Gas Co. came in and put in a line to my house so I wouldn't have to be paying for propane. Well in the process they dug up most of my steps up to my parking lot.<br />
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I didn't have time last summer for work on them, so we started today. It most certainly is back-breaking work. But we got lots accomplished. Maybe tomorrow with Dad's help I can finish. I doubt Bret wants to come back ever!!!! Ha ha, not really, he has to work at his job tomorrow. Yay, Thanks Bret !!!!!<br />
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-80619425275619759112014-03-25T17:12:00.005-07:002014-03-25T17:12:29.019-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">Here's a photo of the salon, it's pretty awesome. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">I saw my sisters yesterday, they were here for the day. They both mentioned that they noticed I hadn't blogged in awhile.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">I have no excuse. At least not a good one. I guess I've been preoccupied with work, or some days the lack of work. Still building up a clientele. But it's getting better. Just trying to hang in there until summer, then it will pick up.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">As for the story I was writing, I've decided that I need to write from a different perspective, but I haven't figured out one yet, so I'm at a stand`still.</span></div>
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-14113153124186343612014-02-16T08:05:00.001-08:002014-02-16T08:05:56.626-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Feeling so much frustration lately. Haven't written in a few days. Trying to figure it all out. That is probably what the problem is. Need to wait on God and quit trying to rush things........... AAARGH!</div>
<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-39427581252010624282014-02-05T05:36:00.003-08:002014-02-05T05:38:21.208-08:00Oh my King!<span style="color: orange; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Still feeling very overwhelmed after the Women's Warrior Convention this past weekend. I'm filled with an unrestrained passion, knowing that I'm supposed to be doing something else in my life. Knowing I have a gift that is sitting inside being unsused. I'm waiting for God's next move in my life. I have finally settled down some, from those 1st days after the conference. I don't feel it's necessary for God to give me one answer ~ right now. I will wait. </span><br />
<span style="color: orange; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> But, I found this really awesome photo on the computer, I need to post it so it doesn't get lost in all my photos & downloads. Maybe, I will figure out a way to put them each in labeled folders. So many things I'm capable of doing on this computer, organizing isn't one of them. Maybe a computer class at ENMU is in order. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-39138188596865966882014-01-31T05:38:00.001-08:002014-02-02T09:53:08.151-08:00Anything is Possible<div style="background-color: white; color: #3e506d; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.600000381469727px;">
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<span style="color: black;"><strong>Empowerment </strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Geneva;">"When one paints an ideal, one does not need to limit one's imagination."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Geneva;">In the film world, we see that anything is possible. Why? Because there are writers and actors and directors working together to create a reality for the big screen. Many of these production companies have names that emphasize that it is an illusion that we are watching, like "Dreamworks" or "Imagine Films." In the "real" world, anything is possible, but we don't always believe it. We limit ourselves to what we have already experienced, or what we can see, or feel. But the truth is that we are creating our reality everyday, just the same way that filmmakers are making movies. We're writing our script, and acting it out. If we want to change something, we can change it. We have that power.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="color: lime;">-Lissa Coffey</span></strong></div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">The last couple of days writings have been from a daily reading I receive by email. I'm very busy working on a project/event that will be all day Friday & Saturday. Back to the regular grind on Monday.</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">Be seeing you - Have a blessed day! Barb</span></b></div>
Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-58562072377695540932014-01-30T04:46:00.002-08:002014-01-30T04:46:21.787-08:00Word of the day: DESIRE<div style="background-color: white; color: #3e506d; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.600000381469727px;">
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"In my experience, there is only one motivation, and that is desire. No reasons or principle contain it or stand against it. (<strong style="font-size: 13.600000381469727px;">Jane Smiley)</strong></div>
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Desire moves us to action. The bigger the desire, the swifter the action. When we really want something, we get creative, and pull out all the stops. We engage our intelligence, we find the means to fulfill our desire. We become empowered.</div>
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-36928546463007899622014-01-29T18:46:00.002-08:002014-01-29T18:46:20.723-08:00<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was really going to stick to just posting once each day ~ I seem to get obsessive with posting things I really love; but I need to put this up, because I just love it, it's so true. :)</span><br />
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<br />Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-79764021263647429492014-01-29T08:56:00.002-08:002014-01-29T09:23:55.977-08:00"Nothing will enhance abundant life more than beginning our day expecting God and ending our day remembering God"<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>It's been a few days since I've written, a lot going on in my life and in my head.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i> I've spent many hours praying for the health of some friends & family. I will continue to pray for their health, but I've also been praying for them to realize that they have faith inside them to believe in miracles. We have faith because God put it there. We didn't stumble upon it. He gave it to us to use. </i></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i> On another subject, I'm addicted to buying books. Not necessarily new ones, I buy them at garage sales, thrift stores, etc. Anyway, this past weekend while Bret was over at my house, I was getting ready to got on our weekend adventure, and he was looking through my bookcases. He stumbled upon a book that I had forgotten I had.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>So, yesterday I started reading it. It's a work/study book that evidently was supposed to have some DVD's included. But, since I don't have those, I'm reading it anyway. One of the things in the introduction, Beth talks about "God Stops". She explains that the "stop" in GodStop comes from the acronym Gad gave her: "Savoring the Observable Presence". When God makes Himself observable, we want to stop and take notice. How we need to stop and learn to say to ourselves "That's God"~ Stop and savor the moment"! A Godstop is any means by which God seems to go out of His way during your day to make Himself known to you.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i> Need examples? Any answered prayer is a GodStop. Any occurrence that you know is more than a coincidence is a Godstop. Even consider a Godstop a time when God suddenly catches you in a sin or action of attitude that you didn't know anyone noticed. A sudden disciplinary action is a Godstop. Four green lights in a row when you are late for work is a Godstop. God's children are not driven by coincidence. We are people of providence.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i> I'm really loving the book and wanted to share what I learned on day one.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i>Barb</i></span></div>
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-42609640485052295602014-01-24T13:11:00.000-08:002014-01-24T13:11:04.209-08:00Word of the Day - DISCIPLINE<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"> Growth and greatness often come from those seemingly </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">endless, fruitless days of discipline.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #898f9c;"> </span>Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-16321938105444643612014-01-23T18:04:00.001-08:002014-01-24T09:47:30.544-08:00Memories Matter<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>Well today was another interesting day, one of patience and progress. Patience because, all of my appointments either rescheduled or cancelled. It's not even snowing that hard. </b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>On a positive note regarding progress, I got so much written for my book, not in comparison to how long it will be, but just lots of time to write, since my appointments didn't show.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>As I write, its so weird, because I'm starting at the beginning of the incredible stories of where I've been, what I've done and how I've survived. And all the while, the remembering is very emotional. Some happy, some sad, but mostly just emotional. It makes me realize that I've spent so much of my life living in the "emotional" part, that had I known what I know now, things could have been so different.</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>I realize that I had to go through these things to grow into who I am now, but I feel bad for the hurt I inflicted because of my lack of regard for anyone else's feelings. It wasn't me just being mean, it was just me not thinking that what I was doing was affecting anyone else. I know I was forgiven years ago, but still, I hate that my family has had to deal with so much when it came to "me".</b></span><br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>But, I will keep writing, because</b></span><br />
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Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3717709030860809310.post-33085490450981364942014-01-22T18:27:00.000-08:002014-01-24T09:47:58.694-08:00Sunset <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a name='more'></a>This was the sunset tonight. God makes such beautiful things for us to see. The closer I get to God, the closer I get to God!!!Barbara was herehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00388582524049425233noreply@blogger.com2