January 16, 2019

     Wow, I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve been here.  So much has happened.  Life has gone on.  My little Eli is 8 years old.  What a precious boy.  So smart and happy and a good kid.
    We survived another holiday season.  I’m still not sure why holidays are so difficult for us all.  I guess just so many people and so much going one between 3 houses.  Wanting to stop and visit with everyone and just not having time to concentrate on any one person.  It’s basically chaos, but still lots of love between us all.
     It’s been 4 years since we lost Daddy & Shayne.  Sometimes it’s so hard to believe it’s been that long, but in another aspect I feel like it’s been forever.  I miss them both so much.  I go back and watch the videos of Shayne, so I can hear his voice.  I look at young men who are the age he would be now (21) and try to picture how he would look.  And I continue to ask God to give me clarity about why this happened.  And I still cry.  I think our tears are cleansing.
     I go to the backyard and talk to Daddy.  I just feel like out there I get really clear about the answers to my questions.
     I love hanging out with Albert, he makes me feel close to Daddy somehow.  And my sisters, well I’m just happy we all have each other, although I question myself sometimes about what will happen when we are all older.  It’s going to be so weird.
    And my kids ~~~ never knew a person could feel so proud and so grateful.  I thank God everyday for my family.  And we all still have Mama.  She’s 97 and is still doing so well.  These things make me happy.
    I heard from all my kids today, including Tasha.  That’s awesome!
     Rambling..... yup just me again.  Rambling about everything!  Until later 😊😊😊😊

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