Sunday, December 18, 2016

Anniversaries ~ Grief ~ Love

Daddy died two years ago on August 11, and on December 22 it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my precious grandson.  There hasn't been one day go by without thoughts of my Dad & Shayne.  I've changed considerably in those two years.

I guess we all grow up learning that life is what changes us, but it doesn't have the same impact that death does.

I've been learning about grief and what a terrible thing that it is to have following you around.  I've been trying to teach myself that grief is in the same category as unforgiveness. They only bring harm to us.  But, we grow and we change in both.  

I've had to really grow up in these 60 years of mine.  I've learned a lot of hard lessons about myself. but also about the people around me.  I've had to learn that expectations are so damaging.  When you start expecting and then get disappointed, it just makes trouble.

But we all expect things, it's human nature.  We want, we wish for, we think we deserve.  But what we need to know is that there is only one thing that is truly always ours.  And that is the Love of God. He loves us no matter what we say or do.  And that is one really awesome thing.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Timber Creek High School Graduation

Today from 4 pm to 6 pm was the graduation at Timber Creek High School in Keller, Texas.  Tonight, if Shayne was still with us, we would have all been at his graduation.  It's so difficult to even try to explain how that feels.

There are going to be so many "things & times" that I will feel this way.  So many things we will miss.  Shaynes graduation is just one of many things that we will never get to share.  He might have gone to college, fallen in love, gotten married, had children.  But, none of these things are ever going to happen.  For the rest of our lives, Shayne will always be 17.

I have wanted to do something ever since Shayne died.  Something to tell the world to help people who are depressed.  Something to teach us to see things better.  To not miss the signs.  I wish so badly that Shayne would have told us that he was hurting.  Oh, if I could only turn the clock back and save my precious grandson.

So, today, instead of going to graduation, I will instead ask God to continue to comfort my wonderful son Luke.  Comfort him each and every day of his life.  A life he will spend without his son.  Comfort us in our lives as we continue to grieve for our precious boy.  Gone too soon.  Shayne, if you can hear me now or ever, please just know that I love you.  I've always loved you & I will see you again one day.


Saturday, April 2, 2016

Time Marches On

Another year has passed and I haven't written.  My mind is in so many places.  It's crazy how I feel when I come here to write, because it's almost as if I have someone to vent to, and venting is a good thing.

I've come so far with God too in the last year.  It's horrible how bad things happening are what draw you closer to God.  It's made me afraid to not be close to God, because I don't want any other bad thing to happen.

Two of my friends have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, makes me feel like I shouldn't be complaining about anything.  At least I'm healthy and so is all my family.

I pray every day & night for my family, which is my mom, brother, sisters, kids, grandkids and all my extended family.  And of course I pray for Bret and his family.  I pray for the ones that need health prayers, finding job prayers, getting thru school prayers, grief prayers. just all the struggles of this life we live.  I know God hears me, I just know it.

Which makes me wonder, what do the other people believe in, that don't believe in God.  They must struggle a lot!

It's been a year and a half since Daddy died, it's been a year and a couple of months since Shayne died.  From about September last year until about a month ago, I was going thru so sort of change.  I was feeling so much grief.  It was consuming my life.  I was still functioning, but I was overwhelmed with sadness. Ever since Dad & Shayne died, it seems like death has just been happening over & over.  I've gone to more funerals than I can even count.  I know that death will come to us all, but it's just so hard to understand this vicious cycle.

Now on to another subject, because I don't want to get sad again.

I took over the lease on a building in town that was a beauty salon called The Tangled Mane, I bought all the equipment in the building and now I have the Crystal Pistol back in business, as my own salon.

This was all brought to be courtesy of God.  I prayed and asked God to help me out, if it was in his plan and it finally came.  It took awhile, but it did happen.  This was in October last year.  In January I hired a Nail Tech and in February I hired a hairdresser.  They also came to me from God, because I prayed that He send me what I need.  I never went looking for them.  Pretty cool ~ huh?  Another thing I asked God about, was appointments.  Boy, did He ever come through.  I'm twice as busy as I ever was when I was renting a booth at the last place I was at.  Yipee!

Mom is doing well.  She will always be sad that Daddy is gone, but doing so much better than a year ago.  I enjoy living with her, we like the same things.  We are sort of like a married couple.  I go to work all day, then I come home in the evening and make dinner, we watch Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, The Voice, Everybody Loves Raymond, and then about 9:00 we go to bed.

Speaking of bed:  I've been sitting here on the computer & now writing this, and it's time for some sleep.


       You hear those old sayings:  "Having a case of the Mondays?", "I hate Monday's", "If Monday had a face, I would punch it".  Everyone always trashing Monday's.

     When I think of Monday now, I feel sad and I will probably feel sad about that day for the rest of my life.  I lost two very important people on a Monday.  And my heart just grieves.

     My Daddy and my grandson both died on a Monday, both in 2014.


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Thanks Mom & Dad from your Birthday Girl

It is almost my 59th birthday.  I was born in Carrizozo, NM, delivered by Dr. Spencer, on April 30, 1956.  My parents lived in Hondo at the time, and that’s just what you did, you drove to the clinic in Carrizozo.  I don’t remember much of my early years, but know that we lived in Hondo, Carrizozo, Alamogordo, and Ruidoso.

My earliest childhood memories are when we lived at Shier’s Trailer Park in Hollywood, NM, which is between Ruidoso & Ruidoso Downs. 

When I was about 6 or 7 we moved into a home that was next-door to where my Daddy worked at C & L Lumber.  We lived there until I was a sophomore in high school.

In 1972 we moved to where I currently live on Colorado Lane in Ruidoso Downs, NM.

I have three sisters and one brother.  Irene, Ida, Albert & Lynette.  They are amazing.  We learned about love & family from two of the best teachers.  We learned about God and how to pray.

I have tried to pass all the things they taught me to my own children.  Luke, Robert, Jessica & Erin.  I have been blessed also with two grandsons, one who currently resides as one of God’s angels in heaven.  The other is certainly an angel to me too.  Shayne & Eli are awesome.

Those of us who have been raised in a home with loving parents are blessed people indeed. I was one of those. Mom and Dad were hard-working young adults when I was born. Dad was in law enforcement and Mom worked taking care of us and the home.  They worked consistently and planned diligently. Their wisdom and work ethic lead to a solid financial base for our family. In the middle of all that they made time to be involved in my life. Everything that I am I have learned from them. On this birthday I say,” Praise the Lord” for Albert & Emma Richardson.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Death changes everything!  Time changes nothing…. I still miss the sound of your voice, the wisdom in your advice, the stories of your life and just being in your presence.  So No, time changes nothing, I miss you as much today as I did the day you died.  I just miss you!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

From one of my readings this morning:
I have seen your heart, your heaviness, your tears and I have said it is enough. I am removing many obstacles from your pathway at this time, setting your feet on solid ground. There is not an issue of lack. You have lifted your hearts to Me and said, “I know My God will make a way”. My child, I made the way even before you asked. Rejoice! I have opened and am opening doors that no one can take credit for. I am bringing back to your heart a stability in Me. The time of testing has been hard and the enemy meant it for your harm. But I have been here all the time. For this is a pathway chosen especially for you. This is the season of releasing that knowledge. Look to the midnight hour for a release of Heavenly wisdom, even a downpour from Heaven to be released. This is to bring freshness to you and the enemy will be put to flight.
rejoice Sorrow will no more be your portion. The time of birthing has ended and this is the season to rejoice over the newness of life. Watch and see for what I will do and where I will take you in this next season. It will amaze you and you will once again stand in awe at the greatness of My plans. Rejoice, My children, for My Glory is about to be revealed in you! Amen and Amen!