Ramblings

Daddy died two years ago on August 11, and on December 22 it will be the two year anniversary of the death of my precious grandson.  There hasn't been one day go by without thoughts of my Dad & Shayne.  I've changed considerably in those two years. I guess we all grow up learning that life is what changes us, but it doesn't have the same impact that death does. I've been learning about grief and what a terrible thing that it is to have following you around.  I've been trying to teach myself that grief is in the same category as unforgiveness. They only bring harm to us.  But, we grow and we change in both.   I've had to really grow up in these 60 years of mine.  I've learned a lot of hard lessons about myself. but also about the people around me.  I've had to learn that expectations are so damaging.  When you start expecting and then get disappointed, it just makes trouble. But we all expect things, it's human nature.  We want, we wish

Today from 4 pm to 6 pm was the graduation at Timber Creek High School in Keller, Texas.  Tonight, if Shayne was still with us, we would have all been at his graduation.  It's so difficult to even try to explain how that feels. There are going to be so many "things & times" that I will feel this way.  So many things we will miss.  Shaynes graduation is just one of many things that we will never get to share.  He might have gone to college, fallen in love, gotten married, had children.  But, none of these things are ever going to happen.  For the rest of our lives, Shayne will always be 17. I have wanted to do something ever since Shayne died.  Something to tell the world to help people who are depressed.  Something to teach us to see things better.  To not miss the signs.  I wish so badly that Shayne would have told us that he was hurting.  Oh, if I could only turn the clock back and save my precious grandson. So, today, instead of going to graduation, I will in

Another year has passed and I haven't written.  My mind is in so many places.  It's crazy how I feel when I come here to write, because it's almost as if I have someone to vent to, and venting is a good thing. I've come so far with God too in the last year.  It's horrible how bad things happening are what draw you closer to God.  It's made me afraid to not be close to God, because I don't want any other bad thing to happen. Two of my friends have recently been diagnosed with Breast Cancer, makes me feel like I shouldn't be complaining about anything.  At least I'm healthy and so is all my family. I pray every day & night for my family, which is my mom, brother, sisters, kids, grandkids and all my extended family.  And of course I pray for Bret and his family.  I pray for the ones that need health prayers, finding job prayers, getting thru school prayers, grief prayers. just all the struggles of this life we live.  I know God hears me, I jus

       You hear those old sayings:  "Having a case of the Mondays?", "I hate Monday's", "If Monday had a face, I would punch it".  Everyone always trashing Monday's.      When I think of Monday now, I feel sad and I will probably feel sad about that day for the rest of my life.  I lost two very important people on a Monday.  And my heart just grieves.      My Daddy and my grandson both died on a Monday, both in 2014.